Everyone has one: little bits of themselves that they're not a fan of. Insecurities are everywhere, and you can find them in your relationships, in your personality, your looks... they're taking over!
It's normal to be insecure about a few things, but when your self-doubt is so intense that it gives you depression and anxiety, we have a problem.
Have no fear, Angele is here!
I'm here to tell you that your insecurities are not your fault. You're not alone when you think of things you'd like to change. Chances are, you're insecure about one of the things on this list (like everyone else!).
My goal here is to show you how to deal with these insecurities and overcome them, as well as give you an idea on exactly how your insecurities showed up!
Let's go!
I. Physical Insecurities
Every single one of you has probably sucked in their stomach or become super self aware at one point in your lives. Can you think of a moment where you suddenly looked at everyone else and hated that you looked different? Me too.
I surveyed my Instagram followers and compiled a list of their major body insecurities. So, if you're insecure about one of the following things, you're not alone.
Your Weight or Your Body in General
This one sucks, because you're screwed either way. You'll get comments from people that you're either too thin, or too big.
It's almost like society values your weight over your accomplishments, your personality... oh, wait.
You can't escape it. If it's not your weight that's bothering you, it's your body type. Your hips aren't big enough, you have no butt; whatever it is, you hate it.
How to fix it: Guess what? Beauty standards change every single decade. Your body type could have been ideal 20 years ago, and now you're not feeling represented in the media.
Find pictures of people that look like you. Find the decade that saw your body type as the ideal. Use this as inspiration, and dress like the people you see. This trains you to see that your body can be beautiful, and that just because the trends change, your beauty doesn't falter.
Unfollow people that make you feel bad. Your feed is probably saturated with people that have the same body type, and that seem to lack any kind of flaws. It's really hard to feel normal when every human you see is different than you in the same way, so perhaps it's time to clean up your feed. Follow people who promote body positivity!
Find your body type. No matter how much weight you gain or lose, you have a bone structure that will make your body look a certain way. I suggest taking the Kibbe body type test. The inventor of this system created 13 distinct body types based on your bone structure. With this body type, you'll be able to wear clothes to flatter your body and appreciate how unique you are!
Your Height
Are you a man who is less than 6 feet tall? Or maybe you're a girl who hates that she can't reach the top shelf. Like weight, you can be on either end of the spectrum and feel like crap because, unlike weight, you can't control your height.
What you can control, however, is your reaction to it.
How to fix it: I know it sucks that you're different. However, I have a little trick up my sleeve that will not only boost your confidence, but almost make you forget that you're insecure about this!
Stand up straight. I know I sound like your mom, but hear me out. Posture is everything, because body language is everything. By fixing your posture, you're communicating to everyone that your self-confidence is off the charts and that you will not be pushed around. Your aunt Karen will think twice about making that comment!
The logic behind this is that body language makes up most of how people interpret you. If you carry yourself with confidence and walk like you own the place, your height is not the main attraction.
Remember: you deserve to be here, so walk proudly!
Anything on Your Face
This is most people. There's something on your face that, if you could change, you totally would. For me, it's my teeth.
My Instagram followers hate their noses, their teeth, and their acne-prone skin.
I see it a different way.
How to fix it: You're not boring! Thank goodness your face is interesting and looks human, otherwise I'd glaze over it. You don't spend lots of time looking at a monotonous, photoshopped model in a magazine, do you?
Look at your face in the mirror. Familiarize yourself with what you look like. The details of your eyelashes, your nose, everything. When you see something often enough, your brain is forced to find the beauty in it. Your face makes you unique, and tells a story with your facial expressions! Treat it with respect!
Realize that no one cares as much as you do. That sounds super harsh, but I mean this in the nicest way possible. Most of the bad things you think about are ones that your inner voice has said! Most people are in the same boat as you, and are too busy thinking about their own imperfections instead of noticing yours.
II. Your Personality or Situation
These insecurities aren't tangible. They're not little things that you can fix with some surgery, they're deeper than that. They might hurt even more than physical insecurities, since it's usually not something you can change quickly.
Chill, y'all. I got you.
You're too Shy... or Too Outgoing
Notice how there's a theme of never being able to win? If you're too quiet, you're told to speak up. If you're chatty, people tell you that you talk too much. You end up in this tailspin of not knowing what to say, and if your thoughts are even worth voicing.
Some people will make comments either way. Not all people, though.
How to fix it: Don't you just hate it when you're just vibing and someone kills the mood by commenting on how much you talk?
Ditch the mood-killers. No one gives you insecurities more than someone who feels the need to shut you up or make you talk. If this is someone that you have to be around, try to avoid them as much as possible. Surround yourself with people that let your personality shine.
Understand the value of your words. You have the right to speak when you have something to say, and your thoughts have value! Don't worry about how often you talk or if you're annoying people. You have a voice, and it's your choice as to when you use it. At the end of the day, some people will always have something to say, but you can go to bed at night knowing that you're staying true to yourself.
Your Voice or Your Laugh
Have you ever heard yourself in a recording and asked "Do I really sound like that?" ? It's so weird hearing yourself like other people hear you. You could hate how squeaky, loud, or quiet your voice is, and ask yourself how your friends tolerate you speaking.
Something similar to that is your laugh. I've inherited my mom's really loud laugh, and we sound like a bunch of walruses when something is really funny. I mean, not everyone has that delicate giggle, right?
How to fix it: Oy, you're going to live a sad life if you avoid talking because of your voice.
Be aware that you're used to hearing your voice a certain way. You hear your voice echo throughout your body, while the people you talk to don't. So it's natural that you hate this new version of your voice when you hear it in a recording. The people around you are used to your voice. Don't you think that you would get used to that version too?
Think of celebrities with unique voices. Morgan Freeman is one of the most well-known voices because of how unique it is. These people have a large chunk of their fortune because of this unique trait, so why would it be a bad thing? This is the same thing with a distinctive laugh - it's always pleasant to hear someone find something funny.
Your Past or Your Current Situation
You could be part of a rougher neighbourhood and not want to have friends over at your tiny apartment. Or, you could be embarrassed to tell your significant other that you stayed in an abusive relationship before you started dating them.
Most people have a certain aspect of their past that they'd rather forget about, or something right now that they want to change. So how do you deal with that?
How to fix it: Most of the time, your situation or what you've been through are out of your control. Keep that in mind to avoid anyone making you feel guilty for your personal experiences.
Grow through what you go through. What life lessons do you know because of what you've been through? If you were in an abusive relationship, maybe you learnt to stand up for yourself and what to look for in a healthy relationship. If you were brought up in a poor family, maybe you're frugal and know not to take anything for granted. Whatever it is, try to find the lesson here.
You Have Social Anxiety or Feel Like You're Unqualified
You're that person that finds the dog at the party instead of meeting new people and sounding boring. At work, you're worried that you'll get fired when people realize that you have no idea what you're doing, or that other people are way better at their job than you.
Does this sound familiar? Either way, you're insecure about your accomplishments and your personality. These go hand in hand, because they're such important parts of who you are! So be it with meeting new people or starting a new job, your anxiety kicks in.
How to fix it: Oh boy, this one sucks.
Realize that everyone is in the same boat. Most people freak out if they don't know anyone at a party or if they're starting a new job. You're totally normal for being scared of the outcome. Ask your coworkers what they did when they felt that way, or find a non-intimidating person to talk to! Also, this article about people pleasing might help you in your journey.
Make mistakes. Often, we don't give ourselves wiggle room to mess up. Here's the good news: most people won't care (or won't notice) if you do something wrong. If they do, chances are they've dealt with something similar! You can't grow unless you give yourself the opportunity to experiment.
Your Job
Yup. Lots of people are insecure about where they work. You could be embarrassed about your salary, where you ended up in life or not getting promoted enough compared to other people.
Your work is the place that you spend most of your time at. It's natural to be insecure about a few things in your professional life since you invest most of your time at work!
How to fix it: You're a productive member of society, for goodness sake!
Are you doing the best you can? If you answered yes, than you're not letting yourself down. The most important aspect of your professional life is that you're satisfied with your career path and that going to work every day isn't anxiety-inducing. It doesn't matter what nosey Nellies have to say, because they're not the ones working your job!
Change anything that makes you unhappy. If no one is making comments about your job, pinpoint exactly why you're insecure. Is it money? The stereotypes associated with your job? Whatever it is, try and find a solution to your issues. If it's a money thing, ask for a promotion or look around for something that pays better. As for stereotypes, make it your mission to educate people!
Your Relationship
Do you think you're the jealous type? So many people worry that they're not good enough for their significant other, or that they'll cheat on you.
You may have been told by a past partner that you're too clingy. Sounds like little jabs at first, but comments like that can totally give you anxiety about your current relationship! I've been there. Here's what I do to squash those anxieties.
How to fix it: Look at you, all in love and stuff. Let's keep the love alive up in here!
Communication nation. Again, this is a stereotypical piece of advice that you've probably heard. But it's true! You have no relationship, or at least not a healthy one, if you're scared of telling your partner how you feel! If your partner dismisses your thoughts by telling you that you're too sensitive or doesn't want to talk about topics that are important to you, you have a toddler, not a partner.
Find yourself a good therapist. You probably have these insecurities because of a past relationship. You deserve to heal! Finding a good person to talk to is essential to start the healing process. A good one will validate what you're feeling and give you the tools to find healthy relationships.
Why Am I Insecure?
You probably had someone make an off-hand comment about something which started your insecurities. It doesn't take a huge bully to start this process; sometimes, an innocent comment can cause you to start thinking critically about something you've never even thought of before.
It could have been your mom telling you that you really shouldn't be having another bowl of ice cream since it's starting to show. Little innocent comments can absolutely start a storm in your head.
Now listen, no one is perfect. However, that doesn't mean that you don't deserve the utmost happiness in your life. Your insecurities can dampen the mood immediately if you start thinking about them too often. I wish you the best of luck in your journey to love yourself. You deserve it.
Let me know which insecurities you're working on in the comments.
Peace out!